Archive for November 24th, 2006

Before I wind up for the weekend one last thought. Great bit of utter bollocks about Noel Edmonds in today’s Daily Mirror. I hope the Mirror isn’t wasting money on tipsters. Sounds like Benjy the Binman is back in action.

NOEL’S CELEBRITY ‘NO’
Mirror.co.uk – London,UK
By Nicola Methven, Tv Editor. NOEL Edmonds has threatened to quit his Deal or No Deal hit TV show if bosses demand a celebrity version. …

Jagshemash!!!! I must be careful how I say this but could there be a Borat backlash.

Already the media are reporting various legal actions being threatened by some of the more humourless victims of the fictitious foreigner’s pranks in “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.”
Perhaps it’s no surprise that those who were ridiculed in the movie have
chosen to act so ridiculously. The US of A is litigation heaven and film companies are seen as good targets, with oodles of cash to plunder, despite the intrinsic irony in a couple of college students who didn’t read the small print of the contracts they signed suing because they were portrayed as dim wits.

What’s more interesting to me is the way the Kazakhs themselves are belatedly coming to the aid of their new national hero. Having initially suffered a majorsense of humour failure at Borat’s lampooning of their glorious nation, theys ubsequently enjoyed a massive surge in tourism to their hitherto undiscovered land.

This has not gone unnoticed by the Kazakh powers that be as they count their
tourist dollars, and they have sensibly decided to capitalize on this unexpected PR windfall.

The Kazakh president, Nursultan Nazarbayev,
(and his own) career-long international invisibility, has launched a globaloffensive by making state visits wherever there’s a cinema showing Borat.

There’s a PR firm called MMD which has an office in Kazakhstan and has been all over the media suggesting that it’s behind this change in Kazakh fortunes. But I smell a more professional hand helping here.

The campaign was already taking shape on the eve of release of the hit film
(which made its money back on its first day in US cinemas). First there was a four-page ad in sections of The New York Times and the International Herald Tribune at the end of September.

Then, quicker than a Republican aide could whisper “world atlas” to George
Bush, Nazarbayev visited the White House. Oh to have been a fly on the wall
of that particular meeting of minds.

This week the canny Kazakh has been in London, taking the sting out of the
cinematic attack on his country in the best way possible – by pretending to like it.

Yesterday in the Spectator the president scribbled a feature pointing out
the various misconceptions made by the film, which will at least clarify matters for a handful of public-school Tories, if not the rest of us.

It’s too early to judge if the president’s charm offensive will be effective but what’s already clear is that Sacha Baron-Cohen is facing flak and the Kazakhs are looking forward to an injection of foreign cash from film fans looking for an exotic holiday destination.

Somewhere in Kazakhstan there’s a man making fermented yak’s urine into
alcohol and laughing all the way to the bank.

If you can be bothered to part with £175 + VAT pop down to the Southbank and hear me and a bunch of uglies blabbering on about word of mouth. Billed as the ultimate conference on winning the battle for word-of-mouth communications, I shall be opening the proceedings. The venue is, wait for it, The Dental Institute, Guys Campus, St. Thomas Street, London SE1 9RT that’s next Friday 1st December 9.30am – 4.20pm. The happening has been put together by my old pal Andy Green, who I met twenty years ago in a toilet in the Dorchester Hotel. We were both pissed at some awards do and have been pals ever since. I rate him as one of the real people in the cess pool of PR bullshit The programme of talks look cool I hope they are prettier than the photos of those delivering them judge for your self Download file
My blather is titled “Wisdom amongst the discarded ice cream tubs, wet tissues and Kleenex wrappers – or never diss a theatre cleaner!” I hope people will find it engaging if they don’t then I am sure Andy will give them their money back. Seriously folks there is some fantastic stuff and wisdom on offer so book or be square.

“The new Britney Spears soap opera, centered on her marital problems, seems to be holding its own against the real news agenda… such was the perfection of the strike against Spears’ wayward spouse Kevin Federline, it managed to generate ink even when the global news agenda had more momentous things to consider.” Mark Borkowski, Stuntwatch, November 13

Britney Spears once more endears
herself with the worldwide press
as a slimmed down, sussed up superstar
who can fit back in a dress.
Now it’s no more punch drunk lover’s tiffs
and no more sportswear hell
and she’s toe to toe with Paris Hilton
as a ballsy, buffed up belle
who will give away her sex tapes
free for all to see
and will dump her toxic husband
with a text or into the sea.

She’s a mother, she’s an icon,
she’s a tickertape parade,
she’s a branding opportunity,
she’s who must be obeyed.
She’s cool, she’s sexy, she’s in command,
she’s making column inches rise
and if a new record comes out soon,
please don’t act surprised.

Britney Spears once more endears
herself with the worldwide press
as a slimmed down, sussed up superstar
who can fit back in a dress.
She’s clawed back her celebrity
with a military-style coup
and it’s borderline whether Kevin Federline
will have anything left he can do
but rot in the stew of his own greed
and rue his stupid mistake
as Britney shoots into orbit
and leaves everything in her wake.

She’s a mother, she’s an icon
she’s a trash aestheticist’s dream
she’s a branding opportunity
she’s the cat who copyrighted cream.
She’s cool, she’s sexy, she’s in command,
she’s making column inches rise
and if a new record comes out soon,
please don’t act surprised…

 

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