Archive for November 28th, 2006

I am very pleased to announce that we have become the UK distributor of the Universal Bullshit Detector Watch™ which is a must for any frustrated PR exec. The owner of the watch can now comment with humour at any time during a meeting or presentation when a client or a fellow professional starts to froth at the mouth. The watch flashes, moos, poops and also tells time!

The Universal Bullshit Detector Watch™ is the invention of Joey Skaggs He is one of my all time heroes; in a nutshell Joey is America’s most notorious socio-political satirist, media activist, culture jammer and hoaxer. His most notorious scams have included the April Fools Day Parade and a Native American surgeon who transplants scalps for people who want to cure their baldness. My personal favourites were the Cathouse for Dogs (1976): Skaggs published an ad for a dog brothel in The Village Voice and hired actors to present their dogs for the benefit of the Midnight Blue cable TV show (NY’s first late night cable TV sex show). The prank annoyed the ASPCA and the Bureau of Animal Affairs until Skaggs revealed the truth after a subpoena. ABC picked up the footage without questioning it, ABC later won an Emmy. The original producer,still refuses to believe it was a hoax He later topped that with a Celebrity Sperm Bank (1976 scam where Skaggs organized a sperm bank auction in New York; the sperm bank was then robbed and semen was supposedly taken as hostage.

The secret behind the Universal Bullshit Detector Watch™ is a speaker that spouts mooing and defecating sounds, which are elicited by a button the watch wearer presses. If these foul-sounding emissions don’t convey the bullshit detection well enough, the watch also has a flashing light. Both the sounds and light continue for up to 8 seconds.

Anybody who would like to get this ultimate Christmas gift or stocking filler for the PR with everything, then email sherry@borkowski.co.uk. It’s not cheap.

“In hell, nothing you have done will not be watched.” From Household Gods by Anne Stevenson.

In hell, your every indiscretion
will be picked over endlessly
on freeze frame repeat
and your life will be condensed
into daily half hour slots of pain.
In hell you will live forever
and learn how to attract flies.

In hell, each blinkered and unworthy thought
each curse, each brief display of hate
will be broadcast at high volume
to anyone who cares to listen
with running commentary from smug demons
who’ll pull at their sharp suits
and smile inscrutably, while you scream
into your pillow of thorns,
as they edit out your achievements
to please the crowd.

In hell you will dress to kill or be killed
and in the evenings go out to the hot spots
with a host of others,
all of you hoping to be saved.
You will be cut to pieces
by paper knives each morning
and will have to stitch yourself together
in time for interviews,
in which your gut-wrenching past
will be dragged out and given
new, unpleasant meaning.

In hell you will be a celebrity
amongst thousands of celebrities
all of you famous for nothing more
than an unending scream.
You will long for the still,
silent heaven whose gate you missed
on the way down,
lost in an unending conversation about yourself.

In Hell Play Now | Play in Popup | Download