Kaye insists that he is overly cautious, so a visit to a doctor in Knightsbridge is a thematic essential – added to that, Kaye has a bump on his arm he needs to check out. We have to find a doctor, maybe not Dr Northridge, who Tony is keenest to see; any doctor will do.

We follow Tony in. The secretary is politely puzzled, as Tony has no appointment. But it’s all fine. A willing doctor is quickly found. The bump is nothing to worry about. For now, Tony Kaye’s road to immortality is assured…

Riverside Studios, Crisp Road, Hammersmith, London

Mark Borkowski celebrates the life and work of legendary Hollywood publicist Russell Birdwell at the Riverside Studios in Hammersmith on April 29th to launch the paperback of his book, The Fame Formula.

A talk at 7.30 p.m. will be followed by a showing of the long-unseen Carole Lombard screwball comedy Nothing Sacred (U), which Birdwell promoted, at 7.45 p.m.

Nothing Sacred is one of the great screwball comedies. Journalist Wallace Cook (Frederick March) brings Hazel Flagg (Lombard) to New York, believing that she is dying of radium poisoning, so that the paper can use her to boost circulation. The screenplay, co-written by Ben Hecht, glitters with the gleeful cynicism that marked out his later films, The Front Page and His Girl Friday.

To buy tickets or for more information, click here.

Fortunately, we had a video camera on hand and have been following them as they shout, curse and conga their way through the centre of London, accosting passers by, gibbering, wailing and generally misbehaving. The sight of a pissed up, pissed off Santa sat on his haunches in the middle of London nursing a cigarette like his life depended upon it whilst being barracked by his two Santa buddies until he gets up to dance the conga is one to behold.

This may have started off as a simple Christmas card, but I think we’ve got something better still. And, thanks to the wonders of the internet, you can watch them running amok right now at www.borkowski.co.uk/tv